If things had been a little different
by Volunteer95
Summary: AU. OOC for Gideon and Spencer. What would it have been like if Stephen, Gideon's son, had died as an infant?
1. Chapter 1

Gideon had never gotten close to people that weren't victims that easily. After losing his son Stephen when he was a year old it made him shut off. Oh he had friends: Rossi, Hotch, and Morgan (to an extent), but he refused to let anyone get so close as to be able to hurt him. Losing Stephen had almost killed him, effectively split up his marriage, and almost sent him down a hole he couldn't get out of. So it had shocked and scared him when he started becoming close to Spencer Reid. Reid was a kid that had been abandoned by his father at a young age and no one knew where he was. When Reid first got there it had been hard for him to acknowledge the young man's presence without feeling his heart constrict.

That had all changed though when he heard Morgan yelling at an agent for basically bullying Reid. He'd felt compelled to help and asked Garcia to track Reid's phone where it placed him at the local library. Reid had been curled up in a back corner, tucked into a comfy chair, eyes closed, and a book on his lap. Looking closely he could see the almost unnoticeable tears occasionally slipping down his face. Sighing he'd slowly approached and sat down across from Reid, reguarding the young man nervously. Gently he reached out and touched Reid's shoulder squeezing comfortingly. Reid's eyes had shot open and he'd jerked back before calming down when he saw Gideon. The conversation that followed was the first time he'd ever been a Dad to anyone since the day he'd said goodbye to his baby.

* * *

"Gi...Gideon, what are you doing here?" Reid questioned massaging his eyes and trying to discreetly wiping the tears off.

"I was looking for you. I overheard what happened at work today and I wanted to make sure you were ok. You want to talk about it?" Gideon questioned.

Reid looked at him and shook his head, "I'm fine." Reid stated off handedly.

"I don't think we'd be sitting here if you were fine. Talking about it will help." Gideon insisted and Reid was quiet for a moment.

"Really it's not a big deal, I'm fine. I need to check this book out though and head home." Reid decided and stood walking past Gideon and leaving.

Gideon watched as Reid walked out of the library and then looked back to where Reid had been sitting. Proped beside the side of the chair was Reid's book bag. Bending over he had picked it up and headed after him.

* * *

It hadn't been hard to find Reid; he was sitting on a bench head bent in his hands. Gideon had sat down beside him and placed a hand on his back rubbing reassuringly. Reid had looked over to make sure it was Gideon. Seeing Gideon there he sat up and looked away so he couldn't see his face.

"You left your bag." Gideon stated placing the strap into Reid's hand.

"Thank-you." Reid murmured and Gideon sighed internally.

"You don't have to be ashamed of crying in front of me." Gideon assured feeling his paternal side awakening.

"I...I'm fine. It was just a long day at work and I guess I'm emotionally spent." Reid avoided and continued to look away from Gideon.

"I have no doubt that you're emotionally spent, but I think it has more to do with the fact of what's been happening at work." Gideon acknowledged. Reid stayed quiet and Gideon placed his hand against Reid's back.

"Let me help you. If I had known what was going on before now I would have put a stop to it. No one has the right to target you and make you feel uncomfortable at your job. I will make it stop, but I have to know what's happening." Gideon persisted.

"I can handle it. I'm not a kid." Reid insisted and stood to leave when Gideon reached out and grabbed his wrist.

"Please. You don't have to be a child to be protected. I want to help you, but I can't if you don't tell me what's happening. Please, let me help you, Spencer." Gideon pleaded and Reid froze turning towards him and sinking onto the bench. Gideon cautiously slipped an arm around Reid's shoulders as they started to shake.

"Easy, easy, it's ok." Gideon soothed. As Reid continued to cry he'd wrapped the boy into his arms and held him close. That night was the first time he had allowed himself to cry, not matter how brief, and his spirits lifted.


	2. Chapter 2

Reid had explained that he was teased for being on a genius level, told his position was proposterious, and pranked on a daily basis. Gideon had exploded when he got back to the office the next day and all of the people that targeted Reid had been suspended. From that point on he always introduced Reid as Dr. Reid so that people respected him. When those that stayed returned from being suspended he told them they should stay away from Reid. After that he kept an eye on Reid and made sure someone from the team was always with him. Now not being able to see Reid on the train with that man and Elle...he felt his heart stop. He felt his feet moving as he ran for the train...he could not lose another son. His heart wouldn't survive that kind of pain a second time.

* * *

As the gun went off Gideon ran faster and almost fell down in relief when he realized that Reid was ok. Looking at Reid he let out a breath he didn't know he was holding and sagged just a little against one of the seats.

* * *

Walking over he heard Elle fussing about having to go to the hospital and smiled. It would have been hard to lose any member of his team and he was glad she was alive.

"Gideon, tell them I'm fine and I don't need to go to the hospital." Elle griped and he raised his hands.

"Regulations are regulations. Are you ok?" Gideon inquired looking at the bump and scrape on the side of her face.

"I'm fine..Dad." Elle quipped and even though he knew that she meant nothing by it a part of him cringed.

As he walked away he turned and looked back, "Elle...don't call me Dad again." Gideon stated as calmly as possible before walking off.

Elle nodded and turned back to joke with Reid, "How do you think he would feel about Mom?" Elle smirked and Reid smiled.

"Let me know when you're going to call him that...so I can run." Reid chuckled back, but his mind was spinning.

Did Gideon have an issue with him being close to him? He'd never thought about it, but it made a lot of sense. Gideon had lost his son, Stephen, when he was a year old and he would now be a year older than Reid was. Ever since Gideon had first taken up for him they'd gotten closer, but maybe Gideon did it out of sympathy or obligation of some sort. Shaking his head he knew he had a decision to make and almost instantly he knew what it was. He had to pull away from Gideon and respect the fact that Gideon didn't need a constant reminder that he'd lost Stephen.

* * *

The next day Gideon was eager to see Reid just to assure himself that he was ok. Reid had arrived every morning after that night to play chess, but that morning Reid wasn't there at the usual time. He felt his panic increase and tried to think of some explanation for Reid not showing up. As minutes ticked by and it got closer to time for him to leave for work he left early and hoped that Reid would be at work.

* * *

Reid had to fight the urge to go to Gideon's for the morning chess match before work and instead headed to the office. Sitting at his desk he pulled out a book and started reading. He couldn't sleep, he had basically conditioned himself to wake up early to be at Gideon's on time, and so he went ahead to work. Time ticked by and slowly one by one the team started to trickle in. Gideon arrived earlier than normal and when he glanced up he realized that he was heading for his desk.

"Spencer, you ok?" Gideon questioned leaning up against the desk. Looking up Reid braced himself, this was going to be the hardest part; pulling away from Gideon and acting like he was too busy.

"Yea, I'm fine." Reid nodded making sure that his face gave nothing away.

"You didn't come to play chess this morning." Gideon stated looking in confusion at the younger man.

"I was busy." Reid offered offhandedly.

"Oh, ok. Well we can always play tonight instead." Gideon offered and Reid felt sick.

"I'm busy tonight." Reid relayed and Gideon nodded.

"Well, then tomorrow morning." Gideon concluded and went to go to his office when he heard Reid's reply.

"I don't think I can make it." Reid called and Gideon turned looking so confused.

"Ok, well whenever you have time is fine." Gideon assured and walked to his office. A part of his heart constricted, had he upset Reid?


	3. Chapter 3

Hotch had noticed that during the case Reid had avoided Gideon at all costs and offered to go with Morgan when he'd been assigned the crime scene. Usually Reid went everywhere that Gideon did, though of course not always, and seemed to be very close to him. In Hotch's opinion it worked out perfectly. He knew how heartbroken Gideon was when Stephen died and until Reid had started he'd shown emotion only to victims. Oh he'd been a great friend and mentor, but he never let anyone get to close. Reid had been a kid that everyone targeted, aside from the BAU team itself, and Gideon had protected him. He'd read up on Reid's file when he first arrived and he knew that Reid needed the realtionship as much as Gideon did. Reid was the only son of a mother who was in a facility to help her and his father had left when he was young.

Watching them now though he could see the pain in Gideon's face and even though Reid was trying to hide it he could see pain in his face. Gideon had set up the chess board like he often did, but instead of Reid sitting down across from him he walked to the back and sat down. He put on head phones and closed his eyes. Something was definitely wrong and he hoped it fixed itself soon.

* * *

Gideon sat at his desk almost a week later after everyone was gone home for the weekend and felt the tears enter his eyes. He wasn't sure what he had done to Reid, but Reid had completely pulled away from him. At first he'd tried to act like it was nothing and talk to Reid like normal, but now he couldn't ignore the fact that something was wrong. Breathing deeply he tried to keep his tears at bay but felt some begin to trickle down his face. Glancing to his right he picked up the picture of Stephen when he was born and held it close; why did life feel the need to take those he loved? Unbeknownst to him Reid had come back, prepared to explain himself, and was standing in front of him. Reid started to back up and as luck would have it he tripped over his own feet and landed with a resounding thud. Gideon jerked his head up and quickly sat the picture down rushing to Reid's side.

"Spencer, are you ok?" Gideon questioned bending down beside the young man. Reid froze when Gideon touched him and then slowly looked up at Gideon's face. Whatever he did he was not going to cry; this was confirmation in his mind that Gideon really needed time without him around. "

I'm fine." Reid nodded standing and turning to leave without an explanation until he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Spencer...was there something you wanted to talk about?" Gideon probed hopefully and Reid hesitated for a moment.

"No...I...I just...I need to go. I'll see you on Monday." Reid nodded and started walking out of Gideon's office.

"Wait...Spencer...what's wrong? You sound upset." Gideon acknowledged and had barely stopped himself from saying he sounded like he was about to cry.

"N...Nothing, I'm fine." Reid insisted and continued walking until he felt Gideon grab his wrist.

"Please...we need to talk. Please." Gideon begged and Reid shook his head.

"I can't." Reid murmured and rushed out of Gideon's office and into the elevator before Gideon had time to reach him.

As the elevator door shut Gideon dropped to his knees; would he ever get his son back?


	4. Chapter 4

It had been almost five days and Gideon watched Reid hopefully. Taking in Reid's appearance he noticed the young man looked so sad and exhausted. There were slight circles under his eyes and he wasn't smiling like usual.

"Spencer, can we talk?" Gideon questioned standing in front of Reid so that he couldn't run past him. Reid sighed heavily but nodded and followed Gideon to his office. As Reid walked behind the closest thing he'd ever had to a Dad a million thoughts ran through his mind. Why had he allowed himself to get close to Gideon in the first place? Why hadn't he realized Gideon didn't need him hanging around? Why did this have to hurt so much? All thoughts came to a stop though as he stepped into Gideon's office and Gideon closed the door behind him.

"Have a seat." Gideon instructed and Reid sat down averting his eyes. Gideon sat down across from him and regarded the young man for a moment.

"Spencer, what has happened to you lately?" Gideon probed and Reid shook his head.

"You're not acting like yourself. Ever since the train with Elle you've been acting different; did something happen on the train I didn't know about?" Gideon continued and again Reid shook his head standing and crossing his arms.

"Then what's happened? Spencer, we used to be closer than this. What's happened?" Gideon tried again resting hand on Reid's arm causing the young man to jerk back.

"Nothing." Reid answered shortly and turned opening the door to leave.

"Spencer, wait. I just want to know what happened? You've been worrying me. We haven't played chess in weeks. What's wrong?" Gideon insisted and Reid realized with embarrassment that he was about to start crying.

"Leave me alone." Reid muttered and Gideon felt like Reid had slapped him.

"I can't do that...Spencer please...let me help you." Gideon begged and Reid stepped farther away from him.

"There's nothing to help...now leave me alone." Reid insisted raising his voice and catching the attention of Morgan.

"Spencer...son...please." Gideon whispered one last time and he saw pain flick across Reid's face.

"LEAVE ME ALONE...I'M NOT...I'M not your son." Reid managed and rushed off as the tears trickled down his face. Gideon stared after him and then turned and walked into his office sinking to his knees. After a moment he curled on his side and started to cry...he didn't even move when Hotch bent down beside him.

* * *

Morgan ran after Reid and then he stopped when he saw the young agent huddled in a corner with his knees pulled up against his chest.

Slowly he bent down beside him and touched his arm, "Reid, Reid look at me." Morgan requested and Reid lifted his head to reveal blood red eyes.

"Wh...what?" Reid questioned and blushed as his voice quivered.

Morgan watched him and then cocked his head to the side, "If it hurts you this much then why are you pulling away from Gideon?" Morgan probed and Reid just shook his head.

"Come on Reid, you can tell me what's going on." Morgan assured and Reid hesitated for a minute and then slowly nodded.

"He deserves to be able to come to work without being reminded that he lost his son. I should have realized sooner that I was making it hard for him." Reid mumbled and Morgan's eyes widened; Reid thought what?

"Reid...what makes you think that?" Morgan questioned.

"The train...when Elle called him Dad he told her not to...it made me realize that it's still painful for him to be reminded that Stephen isn't here." Reid sobbed softly and Morgan wrapped an arm around him.

"No, Reid you've got it wrong. He might not have liked Elle calling him Dad, but you're someone he sees as a son. He reached out to you, Reid. He hunted you down that night to make sure you were ok. Reid he needs you. You're not imposing on him. I know you're Dad walked out on you and your Mom and you look at him like he's your Dad, but he also looks at you like a son. Trust me Reid this has been killing him to be seperated from you. Before this he was the happiest I've ever seen him, kid, and that's because of how much he loves and needs you...his son." Morgan insisted and Reid sobbed leaning over against Morgan's chest.

"I've messed up though...you heard what I said to him." Reid choked out and Morgan shook his head.

"No, kid. I'm going to help you fix this. We're going to go tell Gideon everything you just told me...he's right you two definitely need a talk." Morgan informed and Reid wearily nodded his head.

* * *

Gideon refused to respond to Hotch even though he could feel his hand comfortingly rubbing his back.

"He didn't mean it, Jason. Something is happening with him and he's scared." Hotch assured the heartbroken man and Gideon shook his head.

"No. He...he doesn't want me." Gideon whispered and then he heard someone clear his throat.

"That's where you're wrong. I think the two of you are long overdue for a talk. Right, Reid?" Morgan probed and Reid looked in shock at Gideon lying on the floor crying.

"Right." Reid agreed and at the sound of his voice Gideon sat up. As Gideon looked up into Reid's eyes his heart broke...his son's eyes were red. Before anyone could think he had stood up and pulled Reid into a hug.

"Easy, I'm here, I'm here." Gideon soothed and Reid wrapped his arms around Gideon tightly as he broke down.

"I'm sorry." Reid sobbed and Gideon gently kissed him on the head.

"It's ok, it's ok." Gideon soothed and Reid clung to him.

"Maybe we should sit down and talk. Reid explained to me what happened and I think hearing it will make everything make sense." Morgan suggested and Gideon carefully manuevered Reid to the couch. Reid kept his face buried in Gideon's neck until he heard Morgan clear his throat.

"I think you need to tell him, Reid. He'll understand and I promise that I'm right about this." Morgan insisted and Reid pulled back and looked at a Morgan uncertainly.

"Morgan's right...go ahead and tell me what's been bothering you, Spencer...please." Gideon requested and Reid took a deep breath before beginning.

"You were right about it starting after what happened on the train. Do you remember what Elle said to you when we were waiting for them to take her to the hospital?" Reid questioned and Gideon was quiet for a moment. Had he said something to Elle that upset Reid? He didn't think he had, but to be honest he couldn't remember a lot from that day other than being terrified he would lose Reid.

"I'm sorry, but I can't. I was so worried, Spencer. Worried that I would lose you and..." Gideon trailed off and Morgan looked pointedly at Reid.

"Go on and tell him." Morgan encouraged and Reid sighed before opening his mouth.

"She called you...Dad." Reid whispered and Gideon cocked his head to the side.

"I wasn't ugly with her though when she did that. I just told her not to call me that..." Gideon reminded Reid and Reid closed his eyes. "Reid...tell him." Morgan pressed and Reid shook his head.

"I can't." Reid whispered and stood to leave.

"Spencer...don't go...please." Gideon begged and Morgan stuck his arm out and held him back.

"I'll tell him, but he needs to know Reid. You've already tried pulling away and it's hurting both of you." Morgan offered and Reid nodded standing with his hands jammed in his pockets.

"Spencer...sit back down...please." Gideon requested and Reid reluctantly sat but kept his eyes down.

"Reid has come to the conclusion that because you didn't want Elle to call you Dad that it's because you don't want to be reminded that you lost Stephen. That's why he's pulling away from you...because he believes that his presence is doing the same thing and making it uncomfortable for you when you come to work." Morgan explained and Gideon's eyes widened as everything started to make sense.

Reid avoiding him, refusing to go on cases with him, and then when he come to explain everything that night he'd been crying holding a picture of Stephen. To Reid it would have looked like he was indeed in a lot of pain because of being reminded he'd lost his son. Looking at the young man beside him made his heart break; even though it hurt Reid he had pulled away to protect him.

* * *

"Can you guys give us a minute?"Gideon questioned and Morgan and Hotch nodded before walking out of the office.

Gideon turned and regarded Reid carefully, "You pulled away even though I know how much that had to hurt you. Spencer, the night that I found you in the library...I didn't come there because I'm your boss. I came there because as hard as I'd tried not to get close to you it just wasn't possible. There was no way that I could let them pick on you; I felt the need to protect you. Spencer, I lost Stephen almost twenty-four years ago. I'm not saying that I don't still miss him because I miss him every day, but that doesn't mean that I don't love you like a son. I told Elle not to call me Dad because I don't see her as my child, but I do see you as my child, Spencer. When you stopped showing up and started pulling away I was confused and afraid that I'd done something. The night that you saw me crying and holding Stephen's picture was because I was heartbroken. I felt like the world refused to let me be happy; I'd lost Stephen, and now I was losing you and I couldn't do anything. Spencer, I'm sorry that I didn't tell you any of this, but I was afraid to admit how I felt. I couldn't lose another son, Spencer. It almost killed me when I lost Stephen and that day on the train I felt my heart stop. If you had gotten shot and didn't make it...I...I d-don't know what I w-would...do. I love you, son." Gideon sobbed and Reid catapulted himself against Gideon's chest.

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to hurt you, but that's what I did. I'm so sorry." Reid apologized and Gideon held him close.

"You have nothing to be sorry for; you did what you did out of love, Spencer. Just promise me next time you get to feeling like this that you'll come and talk to me. I can't lose you, Spencer. Please don't ever pull away from me again, please." Gideon begged and Reid nodding snuggling closer to Gideon's chest.

"I promise. I love you...Dad." Reid murmured and Gideon held him close.

"I love you, son. Always." Gideon whispered back and Reid smiled. He was finally home.

* * *

 **a/n: I know the characters are ooc but that's because the circumstances are different at least for Gideon and it changed him and how he acts.**


	5. Chapter 5

Hey guys there's a sequel up now called 'If things had been a little different: When things change'


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